That 40-day thing// 10

Laughing at misfortunes with a surprise friend over lunch. 

Surprise friend: Someone you'd never think will become so important to you, but ending up being so. 

Singapore day '14// The day my life changed

I woke up today (29th march) knowing that today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I knew something would be changing. I've mentioned before, but I've had identity crisis/ identity problems/ identity questions/ dramatic nonsense/ whatever you want to call it for quite a while now. On the surface it doesn't sound like it'd be a real problem. But nothing puzzles me more than someone asking me: where do you call home. Because of my foreign appearance wherever I go, this question is a frequent one. 

So today was Singapore day. An event exclusively for Singaporeans (Foreigners can go for the event only if they register with a Singaporean, as I ended up doing). A few weeks ago I went on to register knowing I didn't hold a Singaporean passport/ IC. But come on, I was there for 13 years, there must be somewhere on the form where I can state that, and I'd be allowed for the event. But no. When I realised this, I also realised; I am not Singaporean. Officially I'm not Singaporean. I'm not. I have absolutely never to do with the country. That's when I decided, despite this sense of belonging to the wonderful country of Singapore, I need to stop calling myself Singaporean. 

Singapore day beyond expectation. Not because of the food and free stuff (but let's face it, that was pretty amazing too). But the amazing sense of comfort I have missed. It genuinely felt like Singapore. Again I was surrounded by this familiar accent. The instant connection to everyone just because we've lived and loved in the same country. The countless topics to talk about to new friends. I actually felt a bubble of safety. Something which London often lacks. I felt so safe that I definitely had a mini cultural shock when the event was over and I was again faced with people of so many different races. 

But underlying this, I felt completely foreign. I never realised I had changed so much. In looks, in my views, but most importantly, my attitude. I now know Singapore will always and forever be a major part of my life, but I could never move back there. I need to give up this dream of living there again. 

Goodbye Singapore (lah). 

Chwee kueh say whaaaaat. 

Ignore playboy brand.

Finished liao. Singapore, we're over. 

That 40-day thing; 9

hey you. ;) you like my collection of fishnet tights?

That 40-day thing; 8

I fell in love with this. 

That 40-day Thing; 7

Pure delight. 

That 40-day thing; 6

I needed today so damn bad. I need this friend so bad! (Definitely a harper's hands, so beautiful)

That 40-day thing; 5

That transition from child to adolescent never fully happened.

That 40-day thing; 4

In the midst of sticking to (half of) my hereditary messily.

That 40-day Thing; 3

“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.

'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.

'I don't know,' Alice answered.

'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.”

I took a different road, I got lost but loved it. 

That 40-day thing; 2

The blessing of anonymity; the blessing of coffee; the blessing of knitwear. 

That 40-day thing; 1

Lent. I never knew what it entailed, apart from the 40 day period where Christians give up 'something'. A quick search online told me more specifically that its a period where Christians give up 'luxuries' and 'practice self-discipline'. I've been a Christian all my life, is it bad that I didn't know this? 

Anyhow, I was asked and asked this year about what I was going to give up this year for lent. And found nothing. I couldn't think to anything I loved so much, it was taking over my life. (Apart from the people I surround myself with. Sorry God, no matter how much of a luxury they are to me, I am not giving them up.) And the two things I love so much are virtually out of my life. Photography and blogging. I can't remember how I thought of this, I think I was on the tube people watching or something inspiring. But I decided for 40 days, I want to post a picture a day (or more), of absolutely anything, no rules, apart from the picture has to be taken by me. 

This is a huge challenge for me right now, my life is all over the place atm, I nearly have no time for anything anymore. But I think I'm gonna feel good and proud if and when I complete this. So here goes instalment number one. 

About time I felt proud about being a londoner. 

I'm Sorry, But

Like, oh my gosh. what. can i cry yet?