Singapore day '14// The day my life changed

I woke up today (29th march) knowing that today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I knew something would be changing. I've mentioned before, but I've had identity crisis/ identity problems/ identity questions/ dramatic nonsense/ whatever you want to call it for quite a while now. On the surface it doesn't sound like it'd be a real problem. But nothing puzzles me more than someone asking me: where do you call home. Because of my foreign appearance wherever I go, this question is a frequent one. 

So today was Singapore day. An event exclusively for Singaporeans (Foreigners can go for the event only if they register with a Singaporean, as I ended up doing). A few weeks ago I went on to register knowing I didn't hold a Singaporean passport/ IC. But come on, I was there for 13 years, there must be somewhere on the form where I can state that, and I'd be allowed for the event. But no. When I realised this, I also realised; I am not Singaporean. Officially I'm not Singaporean. I'm not. I have absolutely never to do with the country. That's when I decided, despite this sense of belonging to the wonderful country of Singapore, I need to stop calling myself Singaporean. 

Singapore day beyond expectation. Not because of the food and free stuff (but let's face it, that was pretty amazing too). But the amazing sense of comfort I have missed. It genuinely felt like Singapore. Again I was surrounded by this familiar accent. The instant connection to everyone just because we've lived and loved in the same country. The countless topics to talk about to new friends. I actually felt a bubble of safety. Something which London often lacks. I felt so safe that I definitely had a mini cultural shock when the event was over and I was again faced with people of so many different races. 

But underlying this, I felt completely foreign. I never realised I had changed so much. In looks, in my views, but most importantly, my attitude. I now know Singapore will always and forever be a major part of my life, but I could never move back there. I need to give up this dream of living there again. 

Goodbye Singapore (lah). 

Chwee kueh say whaaaaat. 

Ignore playboy brand.

Finished liao. Singapore, we're over.